Because no one on our staff wanted their picture taken, I compromised by leaving the stock photos exactly as they were in the template. When I ran out of those stock pics, I just did a Google search for “stock employee images” and used those. I don’t know why everyone is so insecure around here.
OWNER
Michael Mayer
MANAGER
Hannah
Hannah has a dog named Onyx that I DO NOT like one bit. She’s also obsessive about the leash board being organized and even got a tattoo of a banana because we call her “Banana” all the time.
WEEKEND MANAGER
Nena
Nena also works at a high-end restaurant in Austin and shares stories about people who tip 5% on $400 tickets. She also plays softball, reads a lot and her car's air bag sensor is messed up and it's been beeping for THREE YEARS. She says that she doesn't even hear it anymore. Fascinating and horrifying.
MANAGER
Shane
Shane spent time in Americorps, actually graduated from college and has a cat named Dog who she sometimes pushes around in a stroller like a demented old lady. I've seen pictures. It is............concerning.
Dog Wrangler
Kenneth
Kenneth is VERY new and VERY quiet. Not, like, "dangerous" quiet, more "peaceful" quiet. I'm a big fan of 30 Rock and want to call him Kenneth Ellen Parcell but I know he won't get the joke.
DOG WRANGLER
Ashley
Ashley REFUSES to watch “Making a Murderer”, even though I know she’d really enjoy it. Ashley has worked here long enough to tune me out when I start talking about what she should be watching. This is probably pretty wise.
DOG WRANGLER
Lyra
Lyra is from Beaumont which, no offense to anyone from Beaumont, seems like a fairly terrible place. I have confirmation from Lyra that it is, in fact, a fairly terrible place. Let's all not go to Beaumont.
Dog Wrangler
Maddie
Maddie seems real pumped about also working at House of Torment. A little Hip Hounds trivia, another long-time employee who is now a teacher ALSO worked at House of Torment. I said it was trivia, not interesting trivia.
Dog Wrangler
Skylor
Skylor, despite my repeated urging, just won't get her driver's license. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I got my license the DAY I turned sixteen and I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't do the exact same thing.